This one is kind of a double treat for me. Not just because I am going to go off on two aspects of this but because of two things that have happened to me recently.
1. Got a few of my friends, weathermom being the most vocal :), just waiting for me to do this.
2. Ran into this exact situation today. Talk about timing.....
To start off with, I have nothing against cookies in general. Anyone that knows me knows that I like cookies. Oreos™ in particular. If you have never dunked Oreos™ in Vodka, you don't know what you are missing. I still can't believe that Nabisco turned down my idea for an alcoholic version of the Oreo™. Mixing vodka with a large dollop of cream filling and packaging them for the adult consumer. Yep that's right.....
The Double Lush Oreo™! DUH DUH DAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Think of the potential customers.
People that want to drink on the job but need a new way to hide it. Relaxing that uptight date that would never, ever, drink anything stronger than half a Zima. Would be good for a bit of payback against that Holier Than Thou 12 Stepper that keeps on shoving that damn coin of his in my face. Here, have a cookie you self-righteous bastar.... um.. hmmm never mind.... where was I?
Well Nabisco won't even return my phone calls. Or for that matter my self-addressed stamped envelopes, e-mails, virused e-mails, ransom notes for various family pets that have come up missing, rocks through their windows with notes tied to them, the rocks without notes.... you know I just don't think they are interested. God, I hope I don't have to go to the bastard step-child of Oreo's™ the dreaded Hy-Drox. Blech.
Besides that damn Ernie Keebler still owes me 20 bucks... but that is another story.
So, where was I.... oh yeah Girl Scout Cookies. If you were to offer me a GSC (going to call them this because I am NOT going to type that over and over again.... I am lazy that way.... so there. Thhhhhppppppppttttt!) I would gladly take it and enjoy it. But I will not buy them anymore. Actually, I haven't bought a box in over 5 years. This was an on going thing. Bought a box full of GSCs...... (keyword being FULL) .....every year. Then I noticed a trend.
The outside cardboard box remained the same size.
The number of cookies inside shrunk.
The surface area of the plastic cookie hammock inside increased taking up the slack of the missing cookies.
This continued year after year, until not being able to take the deception anymore, I stopped buying them. Yeah I know that the money goes to a good cause but I would rather just donate the 3 bucks than be suckered in with their cookie scam.
Hey, what can I say...... I like to cut out the bullshit when I can.
I see the increasing plastic / shrinking cookie count will be the downfall of them yet. Using a exponential curve hypothesis I have determined that by Feb 22, 2012 there will be a court case against the Girl Scouts of America for false advertising. The argument is that they are selling Girl Scout Cookies in which the box only contains one (1 ea) cookie. They will fight it saying that if you buy two boxes you will get cookie(s). The Judge will be so disgusted by this he will have the entire organization sent to the New Cuba Penal Facility for life. (But this is only after we turn Cuba into the 51st State. And that is only after Castro is discovered to be Welcome Back Kotter's Gabe Kaplin having masqueraded as the long dead dictator for the past 20 years)
So knowing my feelings about this, guess what happened to me today. I was sitting in my office, going over some payroll figures and one of my co-slackers poked her head in and asked if I would like to buy some GSCs. I slowly leaned back in my chair and just stared at her. Then, working up some measure of self control that I never would have guessed I had, told her no thank you.
Yeah surprised the hell out of me too.
Then not realizing what a lucky break she had been given (some people just don't have a self-preservation instinct I guess) she starts in with "But they are for my daughter's troop."
Well whatever hidden well of self control that I had found just moments ago, suddenly went bone dry. The conversation that followed went something like this.
"Are you a Den Mother or Brownie Baker or whatever they call the Troop Leaders?"
"Um, no..... why?"
"So let me get this straight. Your daughter is supposed to be selling these cookies so that SHE can raise money for a trip to go and see the 3rd Largest Coughed Up Hairball in the States or whatever but you are selling them for her?"
"Well, it's not like....."
"So instead of having her actually walking her pudgy cookie eating ass door to door like she is supposed to, you decide to pimp her cookies for her in a Government office that has certain policies against soliciting?"
"Um.. they are just 3 doll...."
"So instead of her working for a goal and experiencing the feeling she would get from accomplishing it, you just tossed her another Pop-Tart, sat her in front of Blues Clues and said "Don't worry, mommy will take care of this for you."?"
"But children going door to door now a days is danger......"
"That's why you GO WITH THEM. Or is that why you have her in Girl Scouts in the first place, to keep her occupied for a few hours a day so you have don't have to deal with her?"
"It's not like that, I don't see why....
"Look, I'll make it simple. Walk back out the way you came in. Put that order book in your purse and take it home. Then take your daughter around the neighborhood and sell those cookies like she is supposed to."
She turned around and left without another word.
That feeling of "Why did I just do that?" hit me... but all I could say to myself was "It seemed like the thing to do at the time."
6:34 pm.
Home.
I am sitting at my desk, going through some e-mail. My doorbell rings. I get up to answer it and Grendel promptly hops into my chair (a picture of her is in my pic section). Standing there, oh I would say about waist high was, yep you guessed it, a Girl Scout in full gear. I should have seen it coming. I mean if you dodge one (or in this case one's mother) there is an entire Troop out there gunning for your cookie dollars.
"Good evening sir, my name is Alicia and I am selling cookies for......."
I was just about to tell her very politely "No thank you." (Had to be polite as she was just too cute not to be at least a little polite) when I noticed her very familiar looking mother standing at the end of the walkway about 20 yards away watching.
She waved to me, warily.
I waved back.....
.........and bought 10 boxes of cookies.
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Girl Scout Cookies (and the parents that pimp them)